alive
by phoebehhh
Summary: he is staring at me like I am a goddess of ancient myth, like I am an angel sent to bless him; but I am not any of those things.
1. alive

_i._

_he is staring at me like I am a goddess of ancient myth, like I am an angel sent to bless him._

_I am not any of those things._

_one by one they fall, like dominoes-_

_curses._

_are you alright? he asks. do you need help?_

_no, I want to snarl. I am the crystal queen, the warrior of the north, daughter of the mighty Lionhearts-_

_you're bleeding, he says again. please, follow me home. I won't harm you, I promise. _

_dominoes-_

_father will be so, so angry._

_I can't feel my right arm._

_fine, I snap. tend my wounds. but touch me and I'll-_

_I know, he says, bored. you'll cut my head off. I heard you the first time._

_he anchors my arm on his shoulders, and the wound shrieks with pain. he starts talking, but I'm not listening._

_dominoes; no black, no white._

_only red._

_father will be so, so angry._

* * *

><p><em>ii.<em>

_won't you tell me what happened? he asks. _

_instead of answering him, I eat._

_he smirks, and I find it irksome._

_it's alright, he says. I've got all day._

_I scowl at him. just one blade across his throat-_

_my men and I were attacked, I say shortly. I was the only one that survived. _

_his expression changes. oh, he says. I'm sorry to hear that._

_I shrug. what's done is done, I say._

_silence._

_I've never seen you around these parts before, he mentions. and I know every road there is._

_I stop chewing. _

_every road? I ask, incredulous._

_he grins. every single one of these dusty paths, he boasts. I'm a mercenary for hire._

_he doesn't look like one to me, but I keep my mouth shut._

_business has been bad lately though, he chuckles. my eyes are getting worse._

_I blink. your eyes? I ask._

_yeah, my eyes. he says. my village was destroyed in a fire when we were raided by the people of the North. like you, I was the only survivor. the fire didn't spare my eyes, though._

_I study them. His eyes are blue, pale and shining._

_I see._

_so you know every road there is? I question again._

_he sighs. for the second time, yes, he says. have a little faith, will you?_

_you don't need faith, I remark, peering at his worn clothes and tarnished swords. you need money. _

_how would you feel if I offered you a deal? I say._

* * *

><p><em>iii.<em>

_I thought you said this path was close to forgotten! I shout to be heard amongst the clash of swords._

_it is! he shouts from behind me. or well, it was-_

_oh, shut up! I snarl, blocking the blow of a half-drunk brute with a yellowing grin. I thought you were part of the military once; use those swords of yours!_

_I'm trying, he pants, skewering a thug through the ribs with his sword. I'm a little rusty. Why do you think I deserted the army anyways?_

_fucking son of a-_

_thwack._

_the back of my head explodes in pain, and I turn, hissing at my attacker. he's tall and rippling with muscle, tattoos inked onto every inch of his bare chest._

_what a pretty little thing, he cooes. you'll be a perfect addition to my bedchambers._

_but then his eyes widen, realising. I know you, he says. I know-_

_crunch._

_the pommel of a sword slams into the back of the man's skull, and with a groan he crumples to the floor. I look up to see blue eyes peering at me, weary and afraid._

_are you alright? he asks. _

_I'm fine, I say, brushing him off. let's keep moving._

_he nods. we should, he says. Thanos and his gang will be after us any minute._

_I stare at him. you know them? I ask._

_a sheepish look on his face, he says, they hired me to steal once. I took their money and never came back._

_unbelievable._

_I shake my head. let's just go, I say. I don't need any more of your cozy little reunions._

_he smiles. you think that was cozy? he teases. try being tied to a tree for an entire fortnight._

_you're bluffing, I retort, and I find myself smiling. _

_why does something so foreign feel so delightfully good?_

_he's slack-jawed, his face in awe, and self-consciously i snap my mouth shut. what? I snap. what are you looking at?_

_he blinks out of his trance. nothing, he says, a grin unfurling on his face._

_but if telling you lies will make you smile, he says, then I wouldn't mind telling you a thousand of them._

* * *

><p><em>iv.<em>

_it's been two weeks on the road, and we'll be by the Northern gates tomorrow._

_aren't you cold? he asks. come closer to the fire. _

_I shake my head. It's fine, I say. _

_what I don't say is that if I get any closer, I feel like I'll melt. _

_crickets sing, and I hear him sigh._

_just come here, he says, holding out a hand to me. please._

_one heartbeat passes; two._

_I get up, taking his hand as support, and curl up at his side._

_you'll be able to find your sister tomorrow, he says, draping a blanket over me. do you think she'll be okay?_

_I've nearly forgotten about the lie._

_she will, I say. I can feel it._

_I consider telling him._

_I don't._

_that's good, he says, and he presses his body closer to mine for warmth._

_I don't flinch._

_I like it._

_But I won't tell him._

_will you miss me? he asks, blue eyes shining. and all our little adventures too?_

_the pause hangs in the air._

_I will, I say, because it is true. I will miss you._

_he smiles. how do I know you aren't lying? he teases._

_I smile back. you don't, I reply._

_by the fire, he kisses me._

_I let him._

* * *

><p><em>v.<em>

_there are guards at the gate. _

_it's too dangerous, he says. you'll be caught._

_he doesn't know who the dangerous one really is._

_I'll be fine, I say like always. stop worrying. _

_I can't, he says._

_you can't follow me, I warn him. you understand? you take the money and never come back._

_you don't need to tell me twice, he jokes. it's my specialty after all._

_I spare him one last smile._

_goodbye, I tell him._

_he doesn't say the same._

_you know where to find me, he says._

_I pull the cloak over my head, swallowed by the crowd. _

_I shouldn't have told him goodbye._

* * *

><p><em>vi.<em>

_father is angry._

_he swings his arm._

_my cheek burns._

_But I don't flinch._

_you have failed me, he says._

_I know, I tell him. _

_I know he doesn't want an apology._

_the expansion has been delayed because of you, he says. and we will delay it no longer._

_I know, I tell him. _

_I know he won't rest till he sees Trost burnt to the ground. _

_a page dashes past me, whispering in father's ear._

_father frowns. _

_bring him in, he says._

_my heart lurches._

_they drag him in; bloody, beaten, chained._

_blue, blue eyes._

_he's panicked, and he's ready to call for me to flee-_

_but he doesn't._

_he sees my shining armour and the sword at my hip and the Northern crest emblazoned on my back-_

_and he sees me, he sees it all. _

_he wasn't supposed to see me like this._

_this is not the way I want to be remembered._

_do you know him? father asks._

_yes._

_no, I say. I do not. _

_father studies me._

_very well, he says with a wave of his hand. take him back to the dungeons._

_I exhale-_

_prepare for his execution at dawn, father adds._

_I freeze. _

_they begin dragging his limp body back to the cells._

_he doesn't even try to resist._

_my daughter is forbidden from entering the dungeons, father says. not until the execution is over. _

_father looks at me, gaze as cold as ice. _

_do you understand, daughter? he asks me. _

_my fists clench._

_yes, I reply. _

_I understand. _

_but I will not obey._

* * *

><p><em>vii.<em>

_the screams start._

_my blade gleams._

_the cells are damp and dark, but I find his soon enough._

_we need to go, I say, slashing at the lock. they'll find us._

_he doesn't answer._

_please, I say. trust me. _

_just this once._

_he hesitates._

_the shouting grows louder._

_he nods, and I sigh._

_quick, I say. this way._

_we run, weaving past corridors and hallways until we reach the stables._

_take one, I say, gesturing to the horses. hurry!_

_we ride._

_the castle is awake now._

_arrows rain from the sky, and guards come at us one after the other-_

_but they are no match for the crystal queen._

_our horses hooves they thunder beneath us._

_when we make it to the forest, his horse slows._

_what are you doing? I snap, impatient. keep moving!_

_he's silent._

_are you going to kill me now? he says._

_my heart sinks._

_how could he think that of me?_

_how could he-_

_no, I answer. I am not going to kill you._

_more silence._

_then what are we going to do now? he asks._

_I haven't the slightest clue._

_we run, I suggest. we keep running. _

_to my surprise, he shakes his head._

_I heard about your father's plans from the guards, he says. I think we should stop them._

_unbelievable._

_The two of us against an army of 800,000 soldiers? I shout. you're mad._

_I've been a coward my whole life! he yells back, startling me. _

_I won't be one, he says. not anymore._

_this time, I am the one who is silent._

_did I do this to him?_

_alright, I say. _

_but we do this my way._

* * *

><p><em>viii.<em>

_the battle is raging._

_and my swords, they sing._

_where is he-_

_my father rides on a pure white steed, blood flecking its sides. _

_I charge._

_you miserable bitch, my father says, blocking my blow. I should've smothered you in your cradle._

_maybe you should have, I agree, swinging my blade again. but it's too late for that now._

_our swords clash._

_the battle rages on behind us._

_when I'm through with you, father says, I'll be sure to make your lover hang from the highest tree. _

_you touch a hair on his head, I snarl, and you will wish you had killed me that day in the throne room._

_My father grins._

_and I see a hidden dagger gleam, see my own eyes reflected in it-_

_just as he buries it deep into my right side._

_no, he says. this is much better._

_I can't speak._

_I can't feel._

_I can't-_

_I hear someone call me._

_my beloved, the one with the blue, blue eyes._

_everything is blurring, but I see his sword carve open my father's chest, my father's face frozen in shock._

_dominoes-_

_hold on! he calls to me. for fuck's sake, please-_

_I don't hear the rest._

_My foot slips off the cliff's edge-_

_and I become a domino myself._

_and so I fall_

_and fall_

_and _

_fall._

* * *

><p><em>ix.<em>

_the water is freezing._

_am I dead yet?_

_I don't know._

_the water's surface breaks open-_

_blue, blue eyes._

_he pulls me close, holds me tight._

_can't he see that I'm dying?_

_can't he-_

_I look into his eyes._

_he knows._

_but I know he won't let go._

_we sink deeper, deeper, deeper-_

_this time, I kiss him._

_and as my lungs fill with water, as our breath escapes us-_

_I have never_

_felt _

_so _

_alive._


	2. author's note (please read!)

Hey guys!

To those who were a little confused reading this story, it was actually a medieval!au I brainstormed one day. The pairing is actually Annie Leonhardt and a friend's OC, and this can be sort of classified as an early Christmas present I guess

(he screamed at me when he finished it btw. You're welcome huehuehue)

So yeah this author's note is to clear things up since the story is kinda vague hehe

Anyways, the story goes like this:

There are two kingdoms; the wintry mountain kingdom in the North, and the walled kingdom named Trost. Annie is princess of the Northern kingdom, the daughter of the king and heir to the throne. Her relationship with her father is rocky, and she was raised with little affection. She is also general of their colossal army, and fearsome to behold in battle. They call her the Crystal Queen due to her icy demeanor, stone cold heart, and also for her sword that was forged from pure, solid crystal; the very same rare mineral that is mined from the beneath the mountains of her kingdom.

So basically what happens is that the king wants to take over Trost, and sends Annie and a small group of elite soldiers to scout for a discreet path for them to travel on on their way to lay siege. However, spies of Trost catch wind of this, and when Annie and her soldiers are en route, they are ambushed by a group of soldiers from Trost.

All of Annie's soldiers are killed and Annie is badly injured by the time Annie manages to kill all the soldiers. But the last soldier, before being cut down by Annie, sends the call for backup, and Annie flees from the scene.

Now, enter the OC, Julian Avilliard. If anyone is wondering how he looks like, you can find my friend's art of him here art/Shingeki-no-Kyojin-AOT-OC-Julian-Avilliard-486243724 and also here art/Mikasa-vs-OC-Shingeki-no-Kyojin-427647389

So yeah, Julian. Think arrogant, self-serving smartass and you've got it. In this AU, he's a rogue mercenary that wanders around almost everywhere. When he was a child, his village was burned down in a raid executed by the soldiers of the Northern kingdom. He was the only survivor; however is eyes were not spared in the flames and his eyesight became severely impaired.

A big headed boy seeking big dreams, he entered the Trostian military, hoping to gain rank, wealth, and power. However, the military proved to be too gruelling for him, and during his first assignment he deserted, causing him to be wanted for treason and desertion by the military. Because of that, he lives somewhere deep inside the woods outside of Trost, but travels around a lot, offering his services as a mercenary for hire.

Alright, back to injured Annie. Julian is heading back to his place after yet another failed business deal when he comes across this armoured beauty with porcelain skin and golden hair and he's just like 'goddamn is it my lucky day or what' and proceeds to try (and fail) to charm her pants off. Annie will not have any of that and offers to cut his head off. Julian, noticing that she's injured, offers to patch her up back at his place, and reluctantly, she agrees – not before she repeats her offer to behead him if he so much as brushes her the wrong way.

Back at his tiny, run-down house, Julian bandages Annie and scrapes together a meager meal for her to have. While she's eating, he keeps prodding her for details on what happened to her, much to Annie's annoyance. Eventually, she tells him that she was attacked and she was the only survivor, but she doesn't tell him who she is or why she was attacked. So the story progresses when she 'hires' Julian to escort her back to the Northern Kingdom using the most discreet, forgotten paths possible under the pretense of 'rescuing her sister'.

Julian agrees, of course. That lil shit would do anything for some dough.

So they set off, getting into trouble and falling in love along the way. In part iii, Julian and Annie are ambushed by a group of thugs who are sent to drag Julian back to their boss (because the little shit walked with their money, obviously) but they manage to get out of that rough patch. They eventually grow to like each other, and as you can see in part iv, romance happens *^*

But all good things come to an end, and soon they reach the Northern Kingdom. Annie tells Julian not to follow her, and at first Julian complies. But he worries for her, and it shocks him that for once, he's worried for someone else's life other than his own, and he decides to go after her, to protect her and make sure she's safe because damn, he's _in love with her_, and he'll be damned if he'd let her go on a rescue mission on her own. But the guards see him, see his obvious Trostian heritage, and drag him to the dungeons.

Meanwhile, Annie has been scrubbed clean by the palace maids and fitted into her best set of armour. She goes to meet her very unhappy father in the throne room, where he proceeds to give her a not so happy welcome and tells her how much of a disappointment she is. The parts after this are pretty straightforward so yeah I'm not gonna talk about it to save my energy eheheh

Okay so yadda yadda yadda, they break out of the dungeons, and they decide to inform Trost of the upcoming siege. Trost prepares for battle, decides to ignore the crimes of the enemy and a deserter, and asks them to help in the war as well. They agree, and yeah they go to war and stuff.

So Annie is cutting her way through horde after horde of her own soldiers while Julian is off somewhere handling his own pile of shit when she spots her father somewhere nearby. She charges him, intent on ending it all, but her father is sly and distracts her before stabbing her in the side. (they're near a cliff when it happens btw)

It's a fatal blow, and before Annie falls off the edge of the cliff she sees Julian pierce her father's heart with his sword, killing him. Julian tries reaching for her but it's too late and she falls.

(does anyone spot the reference HAAHAHHA I'm a terrible person) :'D

She hits the water and she already knows there's no hope for her. Even if she got out of the water, she'd die a slow and painful death thanks to the wound in her side, so she just drifts, surrendering. What she doesn't expect is for Julian to jump in after her because he'd rather die with her than live without her and yeah them babies die but at least they still have each other right ;3

So yes, that is the story.

Hope you guys enjoyed it! And yes I know I'm a horrible person lmao :'D


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